my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
