It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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