why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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