Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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