I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
