If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
