Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
