wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
