I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
