If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
