thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
