Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
