Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
