You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
this is an emotional support booty call
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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