Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
