you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
