Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
