He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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