Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
