Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
