# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
