Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
