so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
