how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
