My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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