Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
