Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
