Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
