mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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