Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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