so let's talk penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
