glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
