mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
