So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
