Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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