i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
