Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
