My boss' voice literally gives me gas
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
