I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
