I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
