The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
