so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
