u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
