Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
