uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
