he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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