look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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