I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
