Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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