u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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