I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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