I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
