Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
